At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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