ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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