I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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