i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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