Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
