OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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