somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
