I need help removing her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i think i just lost a toe
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
