Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I just sharted jello shots
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