I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
