I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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