I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
