Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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