You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
