you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
