Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
