it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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