i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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