I met the friendliest cop last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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