when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
