So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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