Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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