Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
