The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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