Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
