please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
