i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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