Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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