TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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