He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
