update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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