just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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