Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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