My first STD was from a foam party
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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