Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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