I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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