p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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