Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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