By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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