please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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