Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
