so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
