Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
