I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
