I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
