Barsexuality is the new black.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize