we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
