see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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