I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
