He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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