my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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