It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
