I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
