Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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