Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
