youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
