dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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