we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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