my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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