This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
