I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
