i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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