Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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