just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
